My Desolate Sea

photo of man standing on rock near seashore
Photo by Jacub Gomez on Pexels.com

My Desolate Sea

It’s difficult to say

No one loves me,

Enough to stay.

Trouble finds me

Surrounds me

Binds me,

Never minding me.

I want nothing more

than to be set free

From those who

misunderstand me,

From those unwilling,

To see me.

Distance grows greater,

With each passing storm,

I’m stripped to nothingness,

It’s been my norm.

It’s been too heavy

When life is so short

When passing through,

It’s me, they’ll abort.

The relentless ocean

Raises its floor

With sand and grit

It snarls and spits,

Foaming once more

Soaking and drowning me,

Dragging me to the shore.

Day by Day,

It’s been impossible to stay.

Each of us, not wanting it this way.

The ransom not to pay

For the lives who have no say.

After all, it’s just another day.

Too much, Too much

As I can see,

The devastation, the destruction,

But, can they see me?

Intolerable Grief

Difficult to bear

I stand there,

I stand there.

Standing in solitude

In treacherous tide

I’ve stood waiting 

For you to take my side,

The ocean grows weary,

The storm sighs, settles down

I catch my breath, nearly

And Another begins to crown.

I stand shouting

With all my might

With words, With love

I stand firm, and fight.

Perhaps it’s not seen as right.

Perhaps, it’s always seen as fight,

With angry words, fists and bite,

Again abandoned in spite.

I get dragged

Ruthlessly to sea,

While others on shore,

Stand pointing at me.

Cackling, laughing, at me.

But never, running after me.

To value me.

In the aftermath

It’s always me

Left alone

In this desolate Sea.

In this desperate sea.

That abandons me.

I stand alone defending me,

Validating me,

Pleading to be set free,

Hoping this is not my eternity,

To remain, here, in this desolate sea.

In this desperate sea.

This poem describes some of the relationships currently in my life.  I have felt abandoned by some in my family as well as my ex fiancé who I believe may be a narcissist.  It has been difficult to remain in relationships where I have felt not visible or valued, at times.  And so, I am working on distancing myself from those in my life who treat me poorly and those that enable the poor treatment.

It is hard work to leave someone you love, but I feel it is my only path to healing.  I hope one day to be truly loved, valued, and fought for.  I hope one day to escape my “desolate and desperate” sea.  It is my work to do so.  It is my intention to one day be fully loved and valued.  And so, I am learning to value and love myself so that I will not settle and I will be ready for an amazing, healthy love when it comes.  I am currently not dating or searching for anyone as I realize I have a lot of healing to do first.  I am working on loving myself.  This will open me up to limitless possibilities and opportunities.  My day will come in time.  I’ve always said I would rather have quality over quantity any day.  I’ll wait for the caviar and decadent dark chocolate truffles.  It’s going to be so worth it in the end.

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Author: landundefined

I am in the process of healing after a decade where I lost myself to a narcissistic abusive relationship, my sister's addiction, and a mental health disorder that has rendered me currently unemployed. I am writing to help myself and others on the journey of forgiveness and love towards healing and wholeness.