Watching You Suffer

adult alone black and white blur
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

I see you suffering and I acknowledge your struggle.  You’re dragging around this heavy wrecking ball, fearful of both hanging on and letting go.  There is a part of you that is becoming so exhausted, clinging to this shattered dream.  You spend each day searching for any signs of love, security, or hope that may still exist in this desperate situation that consumes you.  You want more for yourself, but you haven’t committed to the process that will bring you through to the other side.  Self love seems to be this elusive, unattainable reality that is easy to post memes about, but more difficult to practice or embody.

There is a stillness inside of you that will guide you to your homeport where you can seek refuge and be safe.

I see you suffering and acknowledge your struggle.  When stillness engulfs you, you flee making desperate efforts to find stimulation and solace.  You are apprehensive and uncomfortable with being still.  It is easier to remain engaged in chaos, it is what you are familiar with and what you know.   And so, you’ll seek stimulation in substances, in partners, family drama, food, sex, gambling, etc.  Those things become your way of coping and they distance you from yourself and what you think you don’t want to know.  It is appealing to engage is endless distraction.

You spend your days dealing with the problems that arise out of your preoccupations rather than accepting accountability and listening in the stillness to what your voice wants to tell you.  Often these preoccupations from abusive relationships to addiction, provide the daily drama that keeps you hooked into what you have mistakenly fabricated as “your life”.  Everything from financial woes to strained relationships with loved ones who truly care for you, is emanating from the web of deception telling you daily that you are trapped.  It took years to form the cage you feel safe in and you willingly discard the key that will set you free.  Instead you have bonded with the lies that make up the fable of your life.

I see you suffering and acknowledge your struggle.  Your voice has been desperately trying to break through to you.  It longs to sit with you in the silence and hold you in that sacred space, communing with your authentic voice.  It is ready to penetrate through the daily bullshit that keeps you hooked in the madness that you have began to identify as your life.  There are days your voice trickles over, spilling from your eyelids, rolling down your cheeks.  And still yet, with it shaking you, through violent sobbing, you get up, searching for something to soothe yourself, silencing yourself, becoming lost once again.  When will you listen to your voice?  It has so many beautiful stories to share with you.

I see your struggle and will rejoice when you finally let go in courage and create a pathway through action and intention to free yourself.  Everything you created for your safety and survival long ago is crushing your spirit and holding you back today.  There is no longer a reason to doubt your strength and ability to protect yourself.

I see you suffering and I know it’s getting harder to hang on than to let go.  It’s almost time.  You have this.  You are enough.  You always have been.

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Author: landundefined

I am in the process of healing after a decade where I lost myself to a narcissistic abusive relationship, my sister's addiction, and a mental health disorder that has rendered me currently unemployed. I am writing to help myself and others on the journey of forgiveness and love towards healing and wholeness.

2 thoughts on “Watching You Suffer”

  1. A deep breath….and the word Wow flashes in my mind. It’s like you were MY soul speaking. Thanks for helping guiding me along❤️

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