The excerpt below is taken from a book I am writing called: The Cage, The Flamingo, and The Peacock. My hope is to help others heal by sharing my experiences of learning how to set boundaries, protect myself, and to eventually embrace all of me in love and acceptance. It is a work in progress. The following is the introduction to the first section of the book called, “The Sacrifice”, where I candidly discuss various events in my childhood that instilled fear and distrust, distorting the perception of my world in my formative years. I’m hopeful that sharing will help other victims feel less alone in their struggle and will encourage others to speak out, spreading awareness of these issues.
“Child molestation and abuse were the acts that formulated the inception of my cage. I would say most of us have some type of cage that we acquire in the formative years of our life. With each invalidating act, steel bars of fear, shame, and sadness captured my spirit. This separated me from the world, and often times, from myself. Doubt and despair began to settle in my small frame, my vision limited from the large, steel bars, surrounding me. Yet, the bold, little bird of beauty still longed to be set free, to commune with the earthly delights that were close enough to instill desire, yet far enough away to weigh my wings with hesitation and fear. I longed to taste the honeysuckle and let its juice trickle down my chin, lost in its sweetness. It was not accessible to me.
Will knowing the origins of this constricting cage help me to be free? After all these years of protecting, will I be courageous enough to cut through the layers and abandon the “safe world” I had created so that I can finally taste the sweetness this world offers? Instinctively, I knew it was time to revisit the beginning so that I could grieve what was lost and reclaim all that was mine, empowered to design the ending. This is the path I will take inward, to dismantle the cage that had entrapped me and kept me crouched in darkness and fear. It’s time to claw, crawl, and carve a way out of the darkness and into the light, leaving no open wounds uncared for and no scars forgotten. It is time to visit the places inside of me that need light and compassion.
If you find light along my journey for yourself, take the light and use it as a way out of the darkness. Together we will heal. Light is meant to be shared, for it drives out the darkness that deceives us and dampens our joy. And so, we begin the descend, into the basement where it may be a little uncomfortable and dingy, at times. It’s necessary, the destiny is clarity and stillness. This is healing, this is love, this is light”.